"middle school matchmaker" by: William Gass

Here's a totally taser factory "thing" that happened to my friend William a while back. He posted this after it happened, but i had to revisit it. The following is his account:


I received a mistaken text at work tonight, but instead of ignoring it, I assumed the role of the desired party. The following is the actual text-conversation that transpired, keystroke-for-keystroke.

Reilly: Hey its reilly from braud ripple camp im jabocs cuzin u there
Reilly: U there
Me: Whut up
Reilly: Nm u and u know who i am right
Me: Of corse i do
Reilly: Good ive missedu!!how r u
Me: Let me just say im delishus right now
Reilly: What? Im confused what do u mean by delishus
Reilly: Hey u there?
Me: yeah. Immat work rite now. And stooooned heh
Reilly: U hav a job wait u know this is reilly right and why did u say u were delishus
Me: Gotta pay for school ryerye. Got no support from anyone
Reilly: How old r u and were would u get a job
Reilly: U still thr
Me: Yeah jus chill a sec. Boss is here
Me: Aight its cool now. Hows jaboc?
Reilly: Good and he wants to know if u have a girlfriend? I really dont know why i think he likes some girl in his class
Me: Naw i aint got time for that shit
Reilly: Oh so ya u know keven he is a JERK he is so notmy type
Me: Who is yo typ than?
Reilly: Well not to be weird but u i like people ur type and ur type is
Me: Aw shit girl. Ur cute but you dont want me imma thug
Reilly: U nt a thug its bad to put urself down
Me: Sorry. I wish my mama was nice lk u. Imma dertay do
Reilly: Awwwwwwwww i feel soooo bad for u and if it makes a difference i think ur very nice
Me: Who u wit?
Reilly: My friend where do u work
Me: Post rd bowling alley
Reilly: Kewl what do u do there and r u 13 yet
Me: I wash dishes inna kitchin. Im actually 14. Not many people know i was held back in kinnergarten. U gotta b 14 2 work
REilly: Oh sry im alital stupid if u havn't noticed
Me: No u aint.
Reilly: Ya believe me I probobly should have flunked at least a couple of geades just lukily i havint yet. So why dont ur parents help u pay fr school i feel bad fur u
Me: They say its makin me a man. They folks beat them when they was little.
Me: Lissen i gotta go but i wanna ask u smthng
Reilly: Omg thats so sad aee they ok
Me: yeah but they hard
Reilly: Ya
Me: Will u gimme a hug next time u see me? I think i lk u
Reilly: Sure and i like u to so ya ill give u a hug so maby u can go to a movie with sloan daniel and i
Reilly: Ok what do u have to ask me
Me: That was it. Im shy.
Me: Bye
Reilly: Ditto im so shy
Reilly: Bye...............

free flyer project

an oldie but goodie... free flyer project! this is one of my favorites from the first round of flyers back in the day. i'm redoing a few and making some new ones to hang up soon. the best part of the project is receiving the replies. fun and easy public art is the best.

"Night Chop of the Night"

"Night Chop of the Night #1"

I am gonna stalk up in your stuff. 9 floors to stalk on.

The wrong floor means, that you had better stalk on hard! damn hard!
Stalk back down and you will be alright.

Stalk on! , you eclectic butcherer of men and women, child, and of animal.

Child and animal stalker. Stalk so fucking hard that your mask gets stalked out!

Took off their mask to chop on body. Took off their mask and chopped on hard, and chopped it off, out, and chopped it off!

"Is this a god stalker... with hard chopping motion?"

"Chopped without mask! Chopped with disaster operation: infinite chopping."

"I have thundered down. To chop up."

magical healthy ball= fun ball, dangerous ball.

these are probably really fun. i've never opened my box of magical healthy ball. zak had some out at a party one night. i was really scared that he was gonna hit me with one...he didn't. must have read the caution notice. you should too, it's fun...

breaking up is fun to do...